Teeny Tiny Dreams.

I’m almost starting to prefer physically..

Its awful. But true.

Looking through old photo albums, remembering the birthday party where I insisted you bake two cakes, because I couldn’t decide if I wanted a smiley face or a peace sign on it. The birthday where I fell in the baby pool and you got me to stop crying before everyone got there. All the times going to Mariposa or San Jose to visit family. Our annual visit to Santa Cruz. From Daisy girl scouts to Junior Prom, you managed to never miss a moment. I love you so much, mom. I’ll never forget the lessons you taught me, and the strength you gave me. I promise I’ll make you proud.<3

Dear Mom,

I can’t believe you’re really gone.. I never thought this day would come so soon. These past few weeks, watching you in the hospital have been so hard, but I never thought that is where we would leave you. When the doctors started to have hope, it gave me so much hope for the future. I thought you would get to be here. I thought you would start chemo, and it would help enough to keep you here for at least a little while. I thought I was going to have time to prepare myself. I guess this year and a half was time itself, but you were doing so well. No matter how weak your body got, you still seemed so strong. To think that I fell asleep while you were alive and well, and woke up and you were gone just breaks my heart. It was that quick. It was that unexpected. If I had known, I would’ve held your hand instead of sitting across the room from you. I would’ve talked about life instead of gossiping about celebrities. I would have stayed an extra hour, or at least had our goodbye last a bit longer. I would’ve told you how much I love you, because I do. You are the reason I have grown up to be who I am. You shaped me. I really wish you were going to be here to see me become an adult. Graduate high school, go to college, get married. Knowing I’ll never see your face again hurts more than anything I have ever felt. I never thought this would happen. I really thought you would beat the odds, because thats what you always do. You’ve always been a super hero to me, and you always will be. Mom, you are the strongest, most beautiful woman I will ever come by, and the people in the world who didn’t get to meet you missed out on someone beyond incredible. I hope one day I can live up to be half the woman you were. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this, just wishing I had wrote it last weekend so I could give it to you. So I could express to you how much I love you. You have always supported me through all of my decisions. You’ve taught me how to be a lady, but also how to get what I want and to never let people knock me down. Imagining my life without you is so painful. Its so scary. I’m not sure where I’m going from here, but I hope you know that my love for you will never fade, and I will always carry you with me, in my heart and in my soul. Thank you for being the amazing woman that you are. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this all when you were here, if I have any regrets that is it. I hope you’re somewhere beautiful, with nanny and Aunt Connie. Lilly, Nikki, and Trin too. I know I’ll see you one day, but until then please know I love you so much.<3

it just makes me want to stop eating. -_____-

It’s like an addiction. People say they’re addicted to eating, I’m addicted to not eating.

skinnyeh:

Last promo of the year. 

I will also rate all your blogs, and follow the ones I like lots. :))

Must be following. 

<3 xoxo

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